Friday, January 10, 2014

Thankfulness

It's been 6 years since hearing the silence we expected to be a heartbeat. As I think back today, I am filled with thankfulness. I'm thankful for... ... a God who has brought comfort when I mourned. ... His peace that surpasses all understanding. ... the joy that comes in the mourning. ... a faith that weathered the storms. ... a husband that provided and held it together when I couldn't. ... a husband who finds joy in being a daddy to our two blessings. ... our family and friends that mourned with us. ... our family and friends who now rejoice with us. ... the restoration of relationships. ... the two blessings that now call me mama. ... the ability to realize the important things in life aren't things. ... the joy a simple snuggle brings knowing that we aren't guaranteed anything in this life. ... being able to share Levi's story with others. ... healing. I am so grateful that God prepared us in so many ways before Levi's death and he's brought us through it. I don't know what type of parent I would be if I had a six year old at the moment. (I'm sure the kids would be a little less spoiled... though probably not much.) I don't know what Tommy and I would be up to or what direction our lives would be going in. I don't know what my life would be like if things were different six years ago, but I no longer focus on the what if's. I'm happy with the right now's. I'm thankful for Levi and how he's shaped me.

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

I'm sorry for the silence. I didn't know how to share the news at first... then time got away from me and I felt at an even greater loss for words. I hope my words now won't cause pain, but we welcomed Levi's new sister, Hannah, into the world May 9th. The past nine months have gone much faster than my pregnancy with Madalyn. I know having delivered a healthy baby girl once relieved some fears, but more than that I think it was just the fact that I was too busy to really be anxious. Life with a toddler doesn't slow down, pregnant or not. I did check into triage a couple of times to ease fears, but both times it was more with the thought in mind that if anything were to happen, I wanted to know I'd done everything in my ability to prevent it. I can't believe it, but all three babies were 7 lbs 8 oz at birth. They have similar features too. I think Hannah and Madalyn look more alike than either one looks like Levi, but still- there's no denying that they're all siblings. For whatever reason, blogger won't let me post a picture so you'll have to take my word for it. Levi's cheeks are bigger than the girls' and Madalyn dimple is more pronounced, but they all have the same nose and lips. It makes me wonder what Levi would look like now.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Butterflies

My zinnias are overgrown. I was going to cut them down this weekend when I realized how many butterflies they attract. Overgrown as they may be, the zinnias stayed and I sat and thought of Levi and all the other babies gone too soon.

 
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Sunday, July 31, 2011

Same name- different story

I was going to post tonight about some musings from today and was surprised to see blog traffic from an unusual number of google searches for Levi Aron. I'm terrible about keeping up with the news and so I had no idea that I'd find what I did when I did a quick google search myself. Leiby Kletzky, age 8, was murdered by a 35 year old by the name of Levi Aron.


I felt saddened and sickened that now when people hear my son's name- for some it will cause anger and disgust.


My heart breaks for Leiby's family- I am so sorry for your loss.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Blindsided

I wasn't expecting it. One of my dear sweet friends announced she was moving, but I wasn't expecting it to hit me like it did. I knew it would be hard to see her go because she's really reached out to me since Levi died. I didn't even know her before his death but she made an effort to offer comfort and connect. Still though, it surprised me when I kept tearing up because that's just not my normal reaction. Then it hit me. Her youngest son is the only three year old boy I have really been able to watch grow up... and now he's gone too. I miss them.

Friday, March 4, 2011

Another space

I’ve reached a point that I feel that it is best to start a new blog. I’ll still be posting here occasionally. I’d always intended to just post in one place, reflecting how my life has changed after having Levi- both the pain and the joy. It gave me hope when reading others blogs that had been through trials and they came out stronger on the other side and I’d hoped this place could do the same for others. Lately though I’ve been seeing it differently. I still want people to come here and see the hope that things do get better, but I find myself holding back on some of the joy. I hesitate, wondering if I’m posting too many pictures of Madalyn, I waver on posting milestones she’s hitting. Madalyn will still be mentioned in some of my posts here, I am a different mother to her because of Levi and the two cannot be completely separated. But with that being said, I’m sorry if I caused anyone pain. If you would like to keep up with Madalyn, her new blog is http://hope535.blogspot.com/ .