I signed up a while ago to be apart of a study on grief and just completed a survey. It's detailed (meaning it took longer than five minutes to complete- luckily Madalyn is napping now) but I felt it was worthwhile... if you have some time they want to hear the views of parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, siblings and friends who have experienced the death of a child.
http://tearstudy.org
I'm not sure if I misrepresented my grieving or not... it asked questions about the last seven days. If you'd asked me three weeks ago or two months ago my answers would've been different.
I don't know if it was the focus of October 15th or not but I was definitely an emotional wreck for about a week. I haven't been hit with too many waves of grief in a while so in an odd sort of way its felt good to just let the tears come. Its given me a different perspective on things. Its hard to grieve and parent at the same time. I had never realized how in some ways it was a blessing that Levi was my firstborn. When he died I didn't have to worry about how my grief might affect my other children, I didn't have to figure out how to explain his death when I was still in shock and denial myself.
I allowed myself to focus completely on grieving and healing.
I think Madalyn sensed my change of mood because she was much fussier than normal... or perhaps the top two teeth are pushing through (she got the bottom two about a month ago). Either way it became a vicious cycle- her cries made me even more on edge and then I struggled to comfort and calm her down. I don't know how I would've coped if the tables had been turned and I was trying to take care of her when the grief was new. I definitely have a new respect for those that have had to do both.
I'm glad I let the tears flow last weekend- but I'm glad Madalyn and I are both back to smiles now.
http://tearstudy.org
I'm not sure if I misrepresented my grieving or not... it asked questions about the last seven days. If you'd asked me three weeks ago or two months ago my answers would've been different.
I don't know if it was the focus of October 15th or not but I was definitely an emotional wreck for about a week. I haven't been hit with too many waves of grief in a while so in an odd sort of way its felt good to just let the tears come. Its given me a different perspective on things. Its hard to grieve and parent at the same time. I had never realized how in some ways it was a blessing that Levi was my firstborn. When he died I didn't have to worry about how my grief might affect my other children, I didn't have to figure out how to explain his death when I was still in shock and denial myself.
I allowed myself to focus completely on grieving and healing.
I think Madalyn sensed my change of mood because she was much fussier than normal... or perhaps the top two teeth are pushing through (she got the bottom two about a month ago). Either way it became a vicious cycle- her cries made me even more on edge and then I struggled to comfort and calm her down. I don't know how I would've coped if the tables had been turned and I was trying to take care of her when the grief was new. I definitely have a new respect for those that have had to do both.
I'm glad I let the tears flow last weekend- but I'm glad Madalyn and I are both back to smiles now.
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