Faith has always been a fairly common topic of conversation between my husband and I but even more so since Levi's death. Before I accepted that God is a good, loving, just God without question but I've since struggled with that. I'm very angry with Him (and also the OB) and wonder what the justice is in this? How is this loving? Despite my questions I haven't wavered much (until some recently) that God has a purpose in this and He's still watching over us. All the while Tommy has been obedient in reading his Bible for obedience sake but has wondered how my faith has seemed so steady (for lack of a better word). I think it's because of all the little things.
It seems as though every book I've read recently has a store line involving a stillbirth or death of an infant- and I'm not seeking out stories that connect to my life- if anything I'm trying to find escapes from my life. Another example- we were listening to the radio the other day & it started as a call in show that hit directly on some of the issues I've had with family members since Levi died & then went into a show about a family who lost their two year old. Both were Christian programs & it's in those little times that I find the strength to go on. I still don't have any answers & I'm still angry but God shows me that He's still there- even when I don't really feel it.
It seems as though every book I've read recently has a store line involving a stillbirth or death of an infant- and I'm not seeking out stories that connect to my life- if anything I'm trying to find escapes from my life. Another example- we were listening to the radio the other day & it started as a call in show that hit directly on some of the issues I've had with family members since Levi died & then went into a show about a family who lost their two year old. Both were Christian programs & it's in those little times that I find the strength to go on. I still don't have any answers & I'm still angry but God shows me that He's still there- even when I don't really feel it.
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