I've been reading other people's blogs today. Tommy asked me once if reading about other people's experiences just made me more depressed. I hadn't really consciencly thought about it but as I did I realized that no... when I read about the loss of other people I just feel less lonely & find some small comfort knowing that my feelings are somewhat normal. It seems like no one else understands and assumes that just because they've forgotten my loss I should be OK now. We've lost friends & customers during the time that we need people the most and I've never felt as lonely as I do now. Some people have been really nice & caring but others act as though we have some contagious disease and want nothing to do with us. I want to write a letter to the ob I was going to & let him know what my life has been like- I don't know that Levi's life would have been saved if he'd listened to me but at least I'd know now that everything had been done. Anyways...
It's been 6 years since hearing the silence we expected to be a heartbeat. As I think back today, I am filled with thankfulness. I'm thankful for... ... a God who has brought comfort when I mourned. ... His peace that surpasses all understanding. ... the joy that comes in the mourning. ... a faith that weathered the storms. ... a husband that provided and held it together when I couldn't. ... a husband who finds joy in being a daddy to our two blessings. ... our family and friends that mourned with us. ... our family and friends who now rejoice with us. ... the restoration of relationships. ... the two blessings that now call me mama. ... the ability to realize the important things in life aren't things. ... the joy a simple snuggle brings knowing that we aren't guaranteed anything in this life. ... being able to share Levi's story with others. ... healing. I am so grateful that God prepared us in so many ways before Levi's death and he's brought ...
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