All week a friend of ours kept telling us we needed to go see a play she was in over the weekend. Tommy was skeptical when she told us about a scene where she was eating at a funeral and felt that he wasn't quite ready yet for something that makes light of funerals but following opening night some of our other friends also urged us to go telling us how funny it was. All we knew about the play was just that... and the title was "Dearly Departed".
I talked Tommy into going and we also invited another friend of ours- huge mistake!!!! I don't know why but the name had never really registered with me that the whole play was going to be about someone that had passed away and since everyone talked about how funny it was it would also be making light of the dead. Why don't I listen to my husband more? Why do I make him do things so we can "show support for friends"?
Back to the play though. As soon as I saw the program I started having a mini panic attack but since we'd drug another person I felt helpless so we stayed- it went downhill from there. The themes running through the play seemed to hit every nerve with me- there was a caracter that had failed miserably at a business venture, one of the couples was having issues in their marriage, the pastor seemed to be grumbling about his role as a comforter but the biggest thing was the mockery they made of one of the characters multiple miscarriages. Why were we urged to go to this? The people that told us about it & encouraged us to see it know about the problems we're having!!!
This morning I went up to the nursery and sat and read the cards people sent. Where are all those people now? Did I push them away by wanting privacy in the beginning? They all told me that they're here for me but I'm just not feeling it. The play just reconfirmed one of my fears though- that Levi is not in the thoughts of people around us- just Tommy & I and our parents.
Tomorrow night we'll be going for the first time to a support group for people that have lost children under the age of 2. I hope it helps.
I talked Tommy into going and we also invited another friend of ours- huge mistake!!!! I don't know why but the name had never really registered with me that the whole play was going to be about someone that had passed away and since everyone talked about how funny it was it would also be making light of the dead. Why don't I listen to my husband more? Why do I make him do things so we can "show support for friends"?
Back to the play though. As soon as I saw the program I started having a mini panic attack but since we'd drug another person I felt helpless so we stayed- it went downhill from there. The themes running through the play seemed to hit every nerve with me- there was a caracter that had failed miserably at a business venture, one of the couples was having issues in their marriage, the pastor seemed to be grumbling about his role as a comforter but the biggest thing was the mockery they made of one of the characters multiple miscarriages. Why were we urged to go to this? The people that told us about it & encouraged us to see it know about the problems we're having!!!
This morning I went up to the nursery and sat and read the cards people sent. Where are all those people now? Did I push them away by wanting privacy in the beginning? They all told me that they're here for me but I'm just not feeling it. The play just reconfirmed one of my fears though- that Levi is not in the thoughts of people around us- just Tommy & I and our parents.
Tomorrow night we'll be going for the first time to a support group for people that have lost children under the age of 2. I hope it helps.
Comments
No one really knows what it's like to lose a baby and how to comfort those who have lost a baby, unless they've lost one themselves.
I actually had a friend who told me I would grieve for a few days and then get over it. WHAT?
So, the way I see it is that you have to surround yourself with people who do understand-- if you have to find those people on the internet, then so be it. If you have a support group in your area, that's a good place too.
This is a tough place to be and no one wants to acknowledge it because the truth is, it could happen just as easily to them as it did to you and me.
Sending you a hug today.