I have a love hate relationship with the garden. I went out there today when I went home at lunch to let our dog out and it's a little on the disheartening side right now. It was doing really well until Fay came and it really hasn't recovered from the insane amount of rain and wind. Most of what we have are perinneals though so I'm hoping that even though they look battered at the moment they'll recover and come back next year stronger than before. Time will tell. One of the reasons I like the garden is I feel more of a connection to God out there. My relationship with God hasn't been the best recently. Right after we lost Levi I clung to the belief that God has a purpose and that good will come from his death and the longer it's been the less I see any purpose for it.
Who knows- maybe in 5 or 10 years I'll be able to look back and see more of the bigger picture but for now it's hard. Through it all I do have faith and believe Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." and I'm trying to follow Romans 5:3-5 "3Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." but at this point I'm not rejoicing in my sufferings. I've been struggling with church lately too but I don't want to stop seeking God so right now we're getting together with a friend of ours and working through a Bible study on Sunday mornings. We'll see how that goes but last Sunday when we got together it really helped because we actually talked about believes and faith rather than just sitting and being talked to.
I got another phone call from the staff at the hospital today. They're now looking into doing memorial boxes for parents and a different way of getting pictures to the parents but she really didn't give me any more information about my real concerns with the doctors. I think I might get stuff together to donate for the boxes... not sure what though- if anyone has any suggestions please let me know. I was thinking an impression kit that the nurses could do & a book & maybe a picture frame. I really don't know. If anyone has any suggestions please let me know. It was a little interesting talking to her as I'm sure she called simply because I'd taken things to the next level and contacted her boss. I do feel good with the pro-active stance with the hospital about the doctor but I'm not sure that they really have done more than just lip service. Who knows. I think the CEO was sincere but I still don't know what actions have been taken.
This afternoon I spent some of my birthday money on a charm bracelet with Levi's initials, a Hope charm, and baby blue charms. It cost more than I really planned on spending but I have a hard time holding back on purchases that have anything to do with Levi- I figure I can't buy cute little outfits for him and won't have to save for his college tuition so if I blow a little bit extra on the garden, scrapbook, jewerly, etc I'm not gonna get too bent out of shape.
Who knows- maybe in 5 or 10 years I'll be able to look back and see more of the bigger picture but for now it's hard. Through it all I do have faith and believe Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." and I'm trying to follow Romans 5:3-5 "3Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." but at this point I'm not rejoicing in my sufferings. I've been struggling with church lately too but I don't want to stop seeking God so right now we're getting together with a friend of ours and working through a Bible study on Sunday mornings. We'll see how that goes but last Sunday when we got together it really helped because we actually talked about believes and faith rather than just sitting and being talked to.
I got another phone call from the staff at the hospital today. They're now looking into doing memorial boxes for parents and a different way of getting pictures to the parents but she really didn't give me any more information about my real concerns with the doctors. I think I might get stuff together to donate for the boxes... not sure what though- if anyone has any suggestions please let me know. I was thinking an impression kit that the nurses could do & a book & maybe a picture frame. I really don't know. If anyone has any suggestions please let me know. It was a little interesting talking to her as I'm sure she called simply because I'd taken things to the next level and contacted her boss. I do feel good with the pro-active stance with the hospital about the doctor but I'm not sure that they really have done more than just lip service. Who knows. I think the CEO was sincere but I still don't know what actions have been taken.
This afternoon I spent some of my birthday money on a charm bracelet with Levi's initials, a Hope charm, and baby blue charms. It cost more than I really planned on spending but I have a hard time holding back on purchases that have anything to do with Levi- I figure I can't buy cute little outfits for him and won't have to save for his college tuition so if I blow a little bit extra on the garden, scrapbook, jewerly, etc I'm not gonna get too bent out of shape.
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