Last night I talked to one of my pregnant friends. We'd been playing phone tag for a while and we last talked over a month ago. I listened to her message as she appoligetically told me she was sorry it'd been a while since she'd returned my call but it'd been a rough couple of weeks. I hoped she was referring to the long bout of morning sickness she'd experienced but dreaded hearing that perhaps she'd lost the baby. I struggle so much trying not to be resentful & envious of pregnant friends but I can't bear hearing that not everything is going smoothly. I don't want anyone to know the pain I've known. I quickly called her back and she first told me of the everyday trials that had come her way lately, a dead battery which complicated things at work, mounting bills, etc and then she told me of her most recent ultrasound... she found out she's having a girl... but might also have ovarian cancer. As much as I know what words of comfort I want to hear about Levi, I had no words to say to her. Right now the doctors don't know that she has cancer- just that it's a possibility- but a real one as both her mother and grandmother have had cancer. They wouldn't have realized there was a problem if she hadn't been pregnant- there would have been no need for an ultrasound. There's a possibility that she may have to have surgery to have the overy removed which puts her baby at risk and if she leaves it and has complications during delivery it could put her and the baby in danger. At the moment the best case senerio is that it doesn't grow bigger and they remove it during a planned c-section. Please pray for her, her baby and the rest of her family during this time.
It's been 6 years since hearing the silence we expected to be a heartbeat. As I think back today, I am filled with thankfulness. I'm thankful for... ... a God who has brought comfort when I mourned. ... His peace that surpasses all understanding. ... the joy that comes in the mourning. ... a faith that weathered the storms. ... a husband that provided and held it together when I couldn't. ... a husband who finds joy in being a daddy to our two blessings. ... our family and friends that mourned with us. ... our family and friends who now rejoice with us. ... the restoration of relationships. ... the two blessings that now call me mama. ... the ability to realize the important things in life aren't things. ... the joy a simple snuggle brings knowing that we aren't guaranteed anything in this life. ... being able to share Levi's story with others. ... healing. I am so grateful that God prepared us in so many ways before Levi's death and he's brought ...
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