I've just finished reading The Hiding Place by Corrie ten Boom and I have to confess, I'm feeling a little convicted. I've felt so swallowed in my grief and my situations and I know that I've fallen short of the mark. Not that I will ever achieve perfection, I know better than to think that... but I'm disappointed in myself. If you've never read the book I highly recommend it. Her family hid Jews from the Nazis in their home in Holland and were later taken to concentration camps. What amazes me though is her heart (and her sister Betsie's as well) towards the guards and her faith in Christ. It's one of love and forgiveness. Her faith brought hope in the middle of the barracks when all circumstances around them would shout hopelessness. During the last ten months I've been so angry at God and the doctors and yet I long to have the love and faith of this woman. I've felt convicted as I've read because I know that my suffering does not even compare to the suffering that some have endured and they still find the strength not just to go on but transform the lives of others in the process. I on the other hand have not even been able to hold a baby since Levi died let alone have the ability to embrace my enemies with the love of Christ. I feel ashamed at my lack of desire to spend time in God's word and yet here was someone that risked beatings in order to bring her Bible into the camp with her and read to the other prisoners from the Gospels. I know that we all fall short and I will never be a perfect person but I felt compelled to confess and share my sins and shortcomings with you today. I also found the timing of another blogger's post rather amazing, check it out here: http://jessicaklug.blogspot.com/2008/11/your-cross.html
It's been 6 years since hearing the silence we expected to be a heartbeat. As I think back today, I am filled with thankfulness. I'm thankful for... ... a God who has brought comfort when I mourned. ... His peace that surpasses all understanding. ... the joy that comes in the mourning. ... a faith that weathered the storms. ... a husband that provided and held it together when I couldn't. ... a husband who finds joy in being a daddy to our two blessings. ... our family and friends that mourned with us. ... our family and friends who now rejoice with us. ... the restoration of relationships. ... the two blessings that now call me mama. ... the ability to realize the important things in life aren't things. ... the joy a simple snuggle brings knowing that we aren't guaranteed anything in this life. ... being able to share Levi's story with others. ... healing. I am so grateful that God prepared us in so many ways before Levi's death and he's brought ...
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knowing God hasnt changed and understanding the things that happen are two very different parts of an equation. One that on this side of heaven I don't know that we will ever understand.
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jennifer