If you aren't familiar with Under the Tree please check it out!! Click on the link & answer the questions about your loss. Thank you again Carly!!
How long has it been since you lost your child/ren? Has your grief changed at all? Is your life becoming any easier or is it just harder as time passes?
It's been a year and three months since we lost Levi. As time has passed my intense grief has subsided some. In many ways I'd say that things got easier... but they're starting to get harder again (though not nearly as hard as the early days). We recently started trying again after waiting and that seems to have sent me into a new wave of raw emotions.
How do you feel when you see pregnant women when you are out and about?
I used to get upset (and recently have felt a tinge of jealousy) when I saw people out. Many of our pregnant friends kept quiet about the day to day issues of their pregnancies which I was grateful for but I'd find myself drawn to their facebook/myspace accounts for updates. I was & still am bothered when I see people doing things they shouldn't during their pregnancy. I know some doctors say some caffeine is ok but I hate making espresso drinks for pregnant people. I actually worked up the nerve to say something to a customer once... she still comes in almost daily and drinks twice the daily recommended amount of caffeine for expecting mothers. At least I don't work at a bar... I wouldn't be able to handle that. When we first lost Levi though and pregnant people (or people with newborns) came in I'd have to go into the inventory room and had quite a few panic attacks/cry fests... now I'm able to actually carry on a conversation without any problems (hopefully without too many odd stares at their belly).
Whats your therapy in the aftermath of losing your child? Do you go to counseling? Do you do artwork or some kind of exercise or do you simply just let yourself be? What helps you?
I have gone to see a counselor- though not terribly regularly. I've found that it does help talking to people (though one advantage of talking to a counselor is they have to listen to you talk about your dead child- most other people find excuses to have to be somewhere or make ways to change the subject). I think if more people around me knew how to broach the subject it would help a lot. I've found working in the garden to be extremely therapeutic- partly the act of planting and weeding but it's also nice to have a place of beauty I associate with Levi. More recently I've found knitting to be a great therapy. I wanted to learn in November so I could contribute a blanket to the pregnancy loss kits we're giving to the hospital here. As I knit I pray for the family that will be receiving it. Part of what helps is hoping they're in some way making a difference and feeling like I'm doing something with my pain; part of it is just the repetitive motion of knitting itself. I also go to a monthly support group that really helps. Having people to talk to who have been there helps- I know my feelings are normal- I just wish I weren't feeling them. I didn't start going until July but like they say- better late than never.
How long has it been since you lost your child/ren? Has your grief changed at all? Is your life becoming any easier or is it just harder as time passes?
It's been a year and three months since we lost Levi. As time has passed my intense grief has subsided some. In many ways I'd say that things got easier... but they're starting to get harder again (though not nearly as hard as the early days). We recently started trying again after waiting and that seems to have sent me into a new wave of raw emotions.
How do you feel when you see pregnant women when you are out and about?
I used to get upset (and recently have felt a tinge of jealousy) when I saw people out. Many of our pregnant friends kept quiet about the day to day issues of their pregnancies which I was grateful for but I'd find myself drawn to their facebook/myspace accounts for updates. I was & still am bothered when I see people doing things they shouldn't during their pregnancy. I know some doctors say some caffeine is ok but I hate making espresso drinks for pregnant people. I actually worked up the nerve to say something to a customer once... she still comes in almost daily and drinks twice the daily recommended amount of caffeine for expecting mothers. At least I don't work at a bar... I wouldn't be able to handle that. When we first lost Levi though and pregnant people (or people with newborns) came in I'd have to go into the inventory room and had quite a few panic attacks/cry fests... now I'm able to actually carry on a conversation without any problems (hopefully without too many odd stares at their belly).
Whats your therapy in the aftermath of losing your child? Do you go to counseling? Do you do artwork or some kind of exercise or do you simply just let yourself be? What helps you?
I have gone to see a counselor- though not terribly regularly. I've found that it does help talking to people (though one advantage of talking to a counselor is they have to listen to you talk about your dead child- most other people find excuses to have to be somewhere or make ways to change the subject). I think if more people around me knew how to broach the subject it would help a lot. I've found working in the garden to be extremely therapeutic- partly the act of planting and weeding but it's also nice to have a place of beauty I associate with Levi. More recently I've found knitting to be a great therapy. I wanted to learn in November so I could contribute a blanket to the pregnancy loss kits we're giving to the hospital here. As I knit I pray for the family that will be receiving it. Part of what helps is hoping they're in some way making a difference and feeling like I'm doing something with my pain; part of it is just the repetitive motion of knitting itself. I also go to a monthly support group that really helps. Having people to talk to who have been there helps- I know my feelings are normal- I just wish I weren't feeling them. I didn't start going until July but like they say- better late than never.
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In His Grace,
Kelly Gerken
Sufficient Grace Ministries