We took the weekend off to visit with friends. It wasn't a fun weekend though.
I've been trying to analyze everything and while I know there are times that I have no rhyme or reason for my feelings I still try to come up with one. My husband's long time friends were down on their vacation and also invited some of their other friends they don't get to see often since they've moved away.
Each of the couples has 3 kids- and then there's us and our dog. I've been doing well with kids lately and we've seen these friends since loosing Levi so I didn't think it'd be a big deal. All of them are older than Levi (though one is only 6 months older) so I wasn't stuck with infants or pregnant ladies. But still... it hit me hard. I think when we're the only ones without parenting stories to share it hits home more. We're the third wheel...
Almost as soon as we got down there I could feel my throat tightening and myself tensing up. I tried to relax but when I found I couldn't I just did my best to keep to myself so as not to ruin their weekends too. I'm sure by all appearances I seemed like the Ice Queen and there's no telling what their friends thought of me, but it's over now. Luckily my husband is able to compartmentalize his feelings so he was his normal friendly self.
I feel bad. We left early on my account. He doesn't get to see his friend often and I feel I unfairly took time away that he could have been relaxing and catching up. It's moments like these though that I also feel so loved by my husband. I know he tries to protect me and shield me away from pain and it pains him when he can't. He doesn't resent me... or at least if he does he hides it well... for moments like these when I can't handle time with people he cares about. He helps to pick me up and dust me off and try again later. He listens to my cries and shares some of his own pain.
The weekend was terrible and yet I'm coming away feeling so loved and blessed to have him in my life. He's gonna make a great dad some day!
I've been trying to analyze everything and while I know there are times that I have no rhyme or reason for my feelings I still try to come up with one. My husband's long time friends were down on their vacation and also invited some of their other friends they don't get to see often since they've moved away.
Each of the couples has 3 kids- and then there's us and our dog. I've been doing well with kids lately and we've seen these friends since loosing Levi so I didn't think it'd be a big deal. All of them are older than Levi (though one is only 6 months older) so I wasn't stuck with infants or pregnant ladies. But still... it hit me hard. I think when we're the only ones without parenting stories to share it hits home more. We're the third wheel...
Almost as soon as we got down there I could feel my throat tightening and myself tensing up. I tried to relax but when I found I couldn't I just did my best to keep to myself so as not to ruin their weekends too. I'm sure by all appearances I seemed like the Ice Queen and there's no telling what their friends thought of me, but it's over now. Luckily my husband is able to compartmentalize his feelings so he was his normal friendly self.
I feel bad. We left early on my account. He doesn't get to see his friend often and I feel I unfairly took time away that he could have been relaxing and catching up. It's moments like these though that I also feel so loved by my husband. I know he tries to protect me and shield me away from pain and it pains him when he can't. He doesn't resent me... or at least if he does he hides it well... for moments like these when I can't handle time with people he cares about. He helps to pick me up and dust me off and try again later. He listens to my cries and shares some of his own pain.
The weekend was terrible and yet I'm coming away feeling so loved and blessed to have him in my life. He's gonna make a great dad some day!
Comments
Sounds like your husband is a gem!
And I agree - your husband sounds wonderful :)