About to scream!

Hopefully soon I'll be able to catch my breath but for now I've been staying busy. I went to the doctor's office last week and my numbers were good- I'll go again on the 23rd and have an ultrasound. My days have consisted of sleeping, nauseousness, more sleeping and school work- even the nauseousness has been wonderful. I do feel bad though- Tommy has been running the shop basically single handedly. I remember sleeping a lot with Levi too but the shop wasn't open yet so my days were much more flexible. I was hitting the end of my first trimester and gaining more energy when we opened our doors two years ago.

It's interesting. Most people's comments after we lost Levi didn't hurt, I knew they didn't know what to say and I was grateful they were at least willing to have the courage to say anything at all. Now though... I'm finding the comments really hurt. This morning a man told me that the worst thing was getting home and not knowing what to do with the baby. Really? That's the worst thing? After he left my husband questioned aloud how he'd feel planning a funeral instead of trying to figure out how to change a diaper. Another customer questioned Tommy when he said he really didn't care if we had a boy or a girl as long as it's healthy. He looked squarely at her and restated that "Yes, after all we'd been through, he really didn't give a s**t about the gender." That shut her up fairly quickly. I get onto Tommy about his language most of the time but I found that to be rather amusing.

I think the worst comment so far was the one today. A lady came in with her 2 year old who is normally rather bratty and bossy but that's in large part because I've never heard anyone tell her "no". Anyway, she told me she'd leave her 2 year old and 15 year old here with me and then let me decide if I want kids. She also told me she'd make me a switch for our baby shower so we'd have it when our child turns 2. Really now? I know as a parent I'm bound to make mistakes. I know that there will be missed teachable moments. I know that I'll have a hard time not spoiling this child rotten after not having that chance with Levi... but really?!? We've been longing for a baby and your way of congratulating me is to tell me how horrible kids are and not only that but to say it repeatedly in front of yours?!? What type of mother are you? I kept my mouth shut. I didn't even make any attempts to be friendly with her but I didn't spew out what I wanted to. I wanted to tell her what a gift and a blessing children are. I also wanted to tell her that her child acts the way she acts because she allows it and often encourages it. I don't know about the 15 year old but I've seen her in here often enough with the two year old. I couldn't say it tactfully though so I just kept my mouth shut.

There have been other things said too, and I have no doubts that there are more comments to come. I know I heard the same things when I was pregnant before- but that was before. Sorry for the rant- just had to get that off my chest so I didn't explode on the customers. Who knows though- before the nine months is up I may have to cut myself off from society just so I don't do anything rash.