Skip to main content

City of Refuge

On Sunday so many emotions kept pushing themselves to the surface. We were talking about reconciliation and the cities of refuge (towns that were set up specifically for people to go to if they killed someone and it was deemed purely accidental). I know that so much of the pain that I carry was not caused on purpose, but it's still so hard to let it go. I struggle so much with reconciliation and truly forgiving. I always think I've let something go and then I see or talk to that person again and I realize I'm back at square one. I know that it's something I need to do- both for me and the other person- and yet... I can't seem to let things go. I want to change... but I don't know how to change. I've prayed for the other people... I've prayed for myself... and I always think that I'm ok- but then when I see them I realize I'm not.

I wonder about the cities of refuge. I know the people that left their families and belongings to seek safety made their own personal sacrifices and I'm sure they were deeply remorseful for the death of another. I'm guessing over the time they were there they were deeply changed... but when they were able to return to their homes had enough time passed for the other person's family to find forgiveness? Did they just steer clear of each other? Sometimes I think maybe it would be best that way and yet I don't like leaving things like that... I want the relationships to work. I want to erase the past pain and just move on... I want closure...

It's so strange. Time has passed and I want to fix the relationships that crumbled when I was broken, but I also want to let them know how much they hurt me and how much pain I still feel. Tommy tells me to keep my mouth shut, that it won't actually fix things, so I do. He's probably right. It would make me feel better for a little while... but probably not long. Chances are the relationship wouldn't heal from my venting. I try to focus on the blessings I do have and the people that have lifted me up and those should be enough for me... but I can't seem to help looking back. Sometimes though I am moving forward and they place themselves in the path I now walk and so I have to face them- caught off guard.

I've been able to pick up so many of the pieces that shattered when Levi died and put them back together as best as possible. I've found so much healing... this is an area I struggle in so much- I had a hard time letting things go before he died but even more so now. I will continue fighting the bitterness. I don't want to give in to it but I wonder how long this battle will last.

Comments

Amy said…
I'm the same way. I have relationships that crumbled because others couldn't deal with my pain. I long to tell them how they hurt me. I think it would make me feel better to get it off my chest. But Josh tells me no. He's says I'll just make it worse and I just need to pray for forgiveness towards them. I hate the bitterness that I live in. Praying for you.
Franchesca said…
Rebekah, this speaks true in my life too. I have had a hard time with certain people. It's just hard. Ultimately I have found it to be more destructive in my life than anything. I let a few people in on how hurt I was by them and it helped because they really cared. Others, I don't bother... I hope you can find the healing your heart longs for. You are definitely not alone in feeling this way.

xx
Stacey said…
Rebekah, I wish I had something very wise to say about this, but I don't. I just know that bitterness is a feeling that is familiar to me as well, and I know that it's one of those things that if you give an inch it'll take a mile. I don't know why some people can't seem to be there with love and support and open arms when a friend is hurting so badly. I can't understand that, and it makes me so mad! I think that I've had to let some of those relationships go over the years. Who wants fair-weather friends anyway? I want the ones who will be with me when I'm happy and (most importantly) when I'm sad, when I'm grieving, when I'm devastated. Those are the friends who are tried and true. I pray that your life will overflow with friends like these, and that God will give you the wisdom to know what to do about the rest.

Popular posts from this blog

Thankfulness

It's been 6 years since hearing the silence we expected to be a heartbeat. As I think back today, I am filled with thankfulness. I'm thankful for... ... a God who has brought comfort when I mourned. ... His peace that surpasses all understanding. ... the joy that comes in the mourning. ... a faith that weathered the storms. ... a husband that provided and held it together when I couldn't. ... a husband who finds joy in being a daddy to our two blessings. ... our family and friends that mourned with us. ... our family and friends who now rejoice with us. ... the restoration of relationships. ... the two blessings that now call me mama. ... the ability to realize the important things in life aren't things. ... the joy a simple snuggle brings knowing that we aren't guaranteed anything in this life. ... being able to share Levi's story with others. ... healing. I am so grateful that God prepared us in so many ways before Levi's death and he's brought ...

Grieving with children

I signed up a while ago to be apart of a study on grief and just completed a survey. It's detailed (meaning it took longer than five minutes to complete- luckily Madalyn is napping now) but I felt it was worthwhile... if you have some time they want to hear the views of parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, siblings and friends who have experienced the death of a child. http://tearstudy.org I'm not sure if I misrepresented my grieving or not... it asked questions about the last seven days. If you'd asked me three weeks ago or two months ago my answers would've been different. I don't know if it was the focus of October 15th or not but I was definitely an emotional wreck for about a week. I haven't been hit with too many waves of grief in a while so in an odd sort of way its felt good to just let the tears come. Its given me a different perspective on things. Its hard to grieve and parent at the same time. I had never realized how in some ways it was a blessing ...

Two worlds

I feel like I’ve got my feet in two worlds and I don’t always know how to handle it or balance it. I don’t always feel like I fit in with the mom group… I’m not a stay at home mom and yet I’m not working full time either. I don’t have the innocence that many of them have and can’t always relate to everything. Yet I feel like I don’t always feel like I fit in the loss community either. It’s not that I’ve forgotten or moved on now that I have a child but joy has come in the morning. I’ve recently met two women who lost their sons almost exactly three years after Levi died… it’s just so strange because at the same time I’m involved with forming a small group of moms through our church. Two worlds and I’m in both… but not really. Where do I fit? What is my role? I feel like I’m not the right person in either case. I don’t know how apparent it is to other people- especially those that know me from the coffee shop- but I’m timid with new people. Inviting people to join in has been a big step...

Levi Aaron

Levi Aaron