One of the typical questions I now get asked is whether or not Madalyn is my first. I generally answer the same way each time. I reply 'sorta or not exactly' and go on to say that I had a son who was stillborn. I wonder if people think I'm strange because while I'm sure they probably expect a shaky voice and tears after they know the answer it isn't the look they see on my face. Instead there's generally a smile when I reply. Not a big goofy grin by any means... But I can feel the corners of my mouth turned up. It isn't that I'm happy that he died- but I'm happy to have the opportunity to share that he was here.
It's been 6 years since hearing the silence we expected to be a heartbeat. As I think back today, I am filled with thankfulness. I'm thankful for... ... a God who has brought comfort when I mourned. ... His peace that surpasses all understanding. ... the joy that comes in the mourning. ... a faith that weathered the storms. ... a husband that provided and held it together when I couldn't. ... a husband who finds joy in being a daddy to our two blessings. ... our family and friends that mourned with us. ... our family and friends who now rejoice with us. ... the restoration of relationships. ... the two blessings that now call me mama. ... the ability to realize the important things in life aren't things. ... the joy a simple snuggle brings knowing that we aren't guaranteed anything in this life. ... being able to share Levi's story with others. ... healing. I am so grateful that God prepared us in so many ways before Levi's death and he's brought ...
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