Life After Levi

They say time heals all wounds... I think there's some truth to that statement but I think I'd have to modifiy it a little. As long as you aren't letting small cuts get infected or picking at scabs then yes, time will heal small wounds. If you loose your arm it isn't like you'll grow another with time (unless of course you're a starfish) and I think the same is true with major emotional wounds. Time doesn't completely heal- you just learn to adapt and deal with the pain. Things may get easier as time passes because you've learned ways to cope but time doesn't fix whatever has caused the pain in the first place. I was thinking about the physical and emotional scars in life as I was doing crunches the other day. I had never understood how weather affected scars and things (my husband broke his arm in high school and it aches depending on the weather) but I'm beginning to get it. I don't normally notice my scar from my c-section but when I'v...

January hasn't been as hard as I thought it would be- the entire month is full of significant dates and I'm taking them one at a time... January 2 nd I heard Levi's heartbeat for the last time and asked my doctor about the lack of movement... January 9 th we received the news that there was no longer a heartbeat at what we expected to be a routine ultrasound appointment... January 14 th we got to meet Levi for the first time after he was delivered stillborn... January 20 th we buried Levi... January 28 th was Levi's due date. There's so much in each of the dates. This year I wasn't expecting to struggle with the 2 nd but Tommy and I had already decided to take off the 9 th -14 th which turned out to be just what we needed. The 9 th we went to some somewhat local gardens and just relaxed and enjoyed the time together without having to deal with people at all. I think because the day had started so well and Tommy had been so good to me I was able to cope ...

This is the official version (in blog format) of the brochure that Tommy & I have been trying to get appoved to reach out to other families experiencing loss... it just got the final thumbs up from the hospital today. I'm posting it here because if there are other families that want to honor their babies in the same way I'd be happy for you to just change the name to _____'s Hope for Tomorrow and you can just change the info for your story & stats in your state. It ends up being a little over $20 for the kit for women who miscarry and about $35 for the kits for stillbirths or infant deaths- less if people donate knitted bracelets. Feel free to pass the word along. In memory of Levi Aaron Henderson, January 14, 2008 In January of 2008 we went to the doctor for a sonogram expecting to see if our baby was in the right position for his expected arrival only to be told there was no heartbeat. The days that followed we experienced grief, shock and hope that Levi’s heartbe...

Yesterday was a lot harder than I expected. I've braced myself for the 9th (the day we found out Levi's heart had stopped) and the 14th (the day he was born still) but I didn't expect such a rush of emotions yesterday. Last year on the 2nd was the last time I heard Levi's heart beat. It was the day I asked about a lack of movement only to be told that was normal. It was the day I was given a choice for a Monday or a Wednesday appointment and I chose Wednesday. I have all these what if's and why's flying through my head causing the tears to flow down my cheeks. What if I'd gone with a different doctor, would they have listened? What if I'd known to insist on a non-stress test? What if I'd switched doctors in December? Why did God allow me to even notice a lack of movement, why didn't He just cause his heart to stop suddenly? Would Levi be here if I'd gone with the Monday appointment instead of Wednesday- or was God allowing Tommy to be there w...