Life After Levi

I never understood why people hated the holidays... until last year. I didn't want to sit alone in an empty house but neither did I want to be surrounded by smiling happy people that I had to make small talk with. Last year I struggled with the mere thought of being thankful. Sure, I had my family, my health, a roof over my head and food in my stomach, but I didn't have what I longed for the most. My son was dead. I had to visit his grave rather than pass him around to ooing, aahhing relatives. This year is different. Death has lost its sting and I now have life growing inside. This year I can smile- and mean it. I didn't struggle leading up to Thanksgiving (besides the panic attack I posted about) and wondered if the day itself would bring a rush of emotions, and while there was a twinge of sadness I primarily focused on the things I do have. There was still a highchair missing from the table but this year I found it easier to focus with gratitude for the blessings in my l...

Romans 12:11-13 (New International Version) 11Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. 12Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. 13Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality. Joyful in hope My heart is full of hope today! I went and talked to another local hospital about giving out the pregnancy loss kits and just walked away feeling so touched!!!! The nurse-manager of the OB department was so encouraging and caring! They already have some wonderful things they do when women suffer a later loss but I think this will compliment that well. I know so often people want to be in the OB units because it's such a happy place but it's nice knowing there are those that understand the harsh reality that it is generally a happy place... not always. I cannot completely stop other families from suffering the same fate that we have but I can do my best to provide comfort during their time of need. I cannot do it ...

If any of you reading are in the Birmingham area (or if you want an excuse to actually meet in real life rather than just virtually) please check out what Loni and her friend Abby have organized in memory of their babies Maddox, Braden and Brody. It's to raise money for a grief counseling center near them! Feel free to pass the word along- the more the merrier!! I'm so encouraged to see all the things different people are doing in memory of their babies to reach out to others who are hurting- some are knitting hats for local hospitals, some organizing events that both raise money and awareness, some write the names of these children to let the parents know their child is not forgotten, some offer their words of encouragement to others to let them know they aren't alone... the list goes on and on. I know in my own experience creating the pregnancy loss kits for the hospital here has been very healing in so many ways. It doesn't make all the pain go away but shines a lit...

...a day can make. Yesterday I was already feeling down thinking about this weekend and today I'm back to being ok. I wouldn't say I'm looking forward to it but I'm not dreading it either. I survived last year and I'll survive this year and it'll soon be over and done with until next year. There were some great ideas shared for getting through the day!!! ...one person can make. I've had so many people that have lifted my spirits lately. (I realize I said one person but each person reached out in their own way.) I got a really sweet Bear Hug from one friend (you can check it out below), some friends called, some said little and let their looks and embraces speak, some left encouraging messages. My husband let me relax and knit during the afternoon (and I was very appoligetic for getting snippy at him). All were uplifting & welcome! ...prayer can make. I got a call from the hospital. I really think we're on the same page now. I truly hope so! We've...

If you aren't familiar with Under the Tree please check it out!! Click on the link & answer the questions about your loss. Thank you again Carly!! How long has it been since you lost your child/ren? Has your grief changed at all? Is your life becoming any easier or is it just harder as time passes? It's been a year and three months since we lost Levi. As time has passed my intense grief has subsided some. In many ways I'd say that things got easier... but they're starting to get harder again (though not nearly as hard as the early days). We recently started trying again after waiting and that seems to have sent me into a new wave of raw emotions. How do you feel when you see pregnant women when you are out and about? I used to get upset (and recently have felt a tinge of jealousy) when I saw people out. Many of our pregnant friends kept quiet about the day to day issues of their pregnancies which I was grateful for but I'd find myself drawn to their facebook/mys...

I had a great morning with an amazing group of women!! We had our second knitting/crocheting get together for the blankets this morning & once again I'm just so touched. (some of the pics are from earlier but I thought I'd share them all- they're also on the website )

Saturday we had a blanket making day for the Hope for Tomorrow project. I couldn't have been more happy with the way everything turned out. God moved me toward vulnerability and nobody seemed scared away today :). I'm behind where I should be in my daily reading of the Bible but God even used that today. This morning I was moved as I read Exodus 35:30-35 "Then Moses said to the Israelites, See, the LORD has chosen Bezalel son of Uri, the son of Hur, of the tribe of Judah, 31 and he has filled him with the Spirit of God, with skill, ability and knowledge in all kinds of crafts- 32 to make artistic designs for work in gold, silver and bronze, 33 to cut and set stones, to work in wood and to engage in all kinds of artistic craftsmanship. 34 And he has given both him and Oholiab son of Ahisamach, of the tribe of Dan, the ability to teach others. 35 He has filled them with skill to do all kinds of work as craftsmen, designers, embroiderers in blue, purple and scarlet yarn and f...