I never understood why people hated the holidays... until last year. I didn't want to sit alone in an empty house but neither did I want to be surrounded by smiling happy people that I had to make small talk with. Last year I struggled with the mere thought of being thankful. Sure, I had my family, my health, a roof over my head and food in my stomach, but I didn't have what I longed for the most. My son was dead. I had to visit his grave rather than pass him around to ooing, aahhing relatives.
This year is different. Death has lost its sting and I now have life growing inside. This year I can smile- and mean it. I didn't struggle leading up to Thanksgiving (besides the panic attack I posted about) and wondered if the day itself would bring a rush of emotions, and while there was a twinge of sadness I primarily focused on the things I do have. There was still a highchair missing from the table but this year I found it easier to focus with gratitude for the blessings in my life for really, my life is truly blessed indeed.
I am so thankful for my husband- he spoils me normally but has worn himself out so that there's not even a chance that I overdo it with this pregnancy. He is patient when the tears flow and always reassures me. I love his faith and knowledge of the Bible. I love the way he can switch from the goofy to the serious and back.
I'm so thankful for our parents- they have helped us so much since my energy level has dropped. They'll make Sam's runs so I don't have to lift anything heavy, put together baskets, wash the dishes, whatever is needed. They put their love into action and are always there when we need them.
I am thankful for my many friends- both those who lift me up in person and those who encourage me through my blog. There are customers who ask Tommy daily how I am- and they are truly interested in knowing. It means so much to me that people care. I am thankful for the way people have given their time, talents and money to help us reach out with the pregnancy loss kits for our hospital. I'm thankful for people like Rikki, Bree, Loni and so many others that remember my Levi and countless other babies in so many ways. I'm thankful for the other women in the support groups (both here & in Tally) who are always there to lift me up or reassure me.
I'm thankful for the peace that God gives me each and every time I panic. I'm thankful for the ways He has opened my eyes to the meaning of scripture in different ways. I'm thankful for the joy that has been restored in my heart.
This year is different. Death has lost its sting and I now have life growing inside. This year I can smile- and mean it. I didn't struggle leading up to Thanksgiving (besides the panic attack I posted about) and wondered if the day itself would bring a rush of emotions, and while there was a twinge of sadness I primarily focused on the things I do have. There was still a highchair missing from the table but this year I found it easier to focus with gratitude for the blessings in my life for really, my life is truly blessed indeed.
I am so thankful for my husband- he spoils me normally but has worn himself out so that there's not even a chance that I overdo it with this pregnancy. He is patient when the tears flow and always reassures me. I love his faith and knowledge of the Bible. I love the way he can switch from the goofy to the serious and back.
I'm so thankful for our parents- they have helped us so much since my energy level has dropped. They'll make Sam's runs so I don't have to lift anything heavy, put together baskets, wash the dishes, whatever is needed. They put their love into action and are always there when we need them.
I am thankful for my many friends- both those who lift me up in person and those who encourage me through my blog. There are customers who ask Tommy daily how I am- and they are truly interested in knowing. It means so much to me that people care. I am thankful for the way people have given their time, talents and money to help us reach out with the pregnancy loss kits for our hospital. I'm thankful for people like Rikki, Bree, Loni and so many others that remember my Levi and countless other babies in so many ways. I'm thankful for the other women in the support groups (both here & in Tally) who are always there to lift me up or reassure me.
I'm thankful for the peace that God gives me each and every time I panic. I'm thankful for the ways He has opened my eyes to the meaning of scripture in different ways. I'm thankful for the joy that has been restored in my heart.
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