Life After Levi

Tommy & I were talking last night about how robbed we feel... some people may think it's been enough time to stop dwelling on our loss & focusing on the future. On one hand it's been five months... on the other hand it's only been five months... if Levi were with us he'd be smiling right now and reaching for things, he'd be lifting his head and babbling. He'd still be very much a baby and we'd still very much be new parents. One of our customers came in today as I was trying to figure out when we'd be closing up for Father's day & our anniversary and started talking about how we needed to stay open for the consistancy of our customers... and we shouldn't close up just to go "play at the beach". I think this is the first time a customer's comments have actually hurt... we closed for a week while I was in the hospital and then started opening for half days but besides that the doors have been open. I quickly explained ...

So I made it through Mother's day, barely, and now I'm struggling to figure out what to do for Tommy for Father's day... what do you get for a childless father??? I went to get him something for the garden yesterday but they didn't have what I wanted but while I was there I overheard another customer talking about her nursery and the baby that's coming any minute now. Amidst tears I ducked into a back room and busied myself looking at other items so as not to make a scene and when I finally pulled myself together quickly made a purchase and left. To top it all off the hospital called and said the pictures of Levi were back and I could pick them up at the nurse's station. I know I should have sent Tommy to get them but I was determined to make myself go and so I braved it down the maternity ward to collect the pics. It was weird, as soon as I walked into that section of the hospital I started feeling shaky and as soon as I explained why I was there my voice ...