Tommy & I were talking last night about how robbed we feel... some people may think it's been enough time to stop dwelling on our loss & focusing on the future. On one hand it's been five months... on the other hand it's only been five months... if Levi were with us he'd be smiling right now and reaching for things, he'd be lifting his head and babbling. He'd still be very much a baby and we'd still very much be new parents.
One of our customers came in today as I was trying to figure out when we'd be closing up for Father's day & our anniversary and started talking about how we needed to stay open for the consistancy of our customers... and we shouldn't close up just to go "play at the beach". I think this is the first time a customer's comments have actually hurt... we closed for a week while I was in the hospital and then started opening for half days but besides that the doors have been open. I quickly explained that I know I'll be a basket case that weekend & I don't want Tommy to have to work that weekend either & we made a promise to our employees that they wouldn't get stuck closing or opening by themselves. I try to put on a happy face at the store & when I really can't I usually go home but really... does he think that just because I have a smile on that everything is ok now?
I've been feeling like Job lately & just waiting to see what is going to happen next in my life... Just a couple of examples: today we're going to have a stress test for Tommy because of his high blood pressure & my dad is going to be scheduled for surgery. Like Job I'm not willing to curse God & die but I don't have to be happy about the hand I'm being dealt at the moment.
One Sunday in church one of the pastors was talking about how fun it is to be a Christian- I'd have to disagree- it's not fun putting your faith in God who could have saved the life of your son (you can argue all day long wether or not God took Levi or if it was just a result of man having free will or Satan or a result of sin but no matter which of these you believe I still believe that God could have restored life in him after they couldn't detect a heartbeat). While faith isn't fun at times like these, you just have faith that God is in control regardless. I'm still angry at Him but I do trust Him. It makes me angry though when other Christians talk about how "fun" Christianity is- it's false advertisement!! I don't think Christianity should be a drag and I don't want to grow into some bitter old woman but there are times that Christians are persecuted & times you have to take a tough stand for what you believe in & times you have to just trust even when you don't want to.
Ok... enough of my soapbox & enough of my tears for one day...
One of our customers came in today as I was trying to figure out when we'd be closing up for Father's day & our anniversary and started talking about how we needed to stay open for the consistancy of our customers... and we shouldn't close up just to go "play at the beach". I think this is the first time a customer's comments have actually hurt... we closed for a week while I was in the hospital and then started opening for half days but besides that the doors have been open. I quickly explained that I know I'll be a basket case that weekend & I don't want Tommy to have to work that weekend either & we made a promise to our employees that they wouldn't get stuck closing or opening by themselves. I try to put on a happy face at the store & when I really can't I usually go home but really... does he think that just because I have a smile on that everything is ok now?
I've been feeling like Job lately & just waiting to see what is going to happen next in my life... Just a couple of examples: today we're going to have a stress test for Tommy because of his high blood pressure & my dad is going to be scheduled for surgery. Like Job I'm not willing to curse God & die but I don't have to be happy about the hand I'm being dealt at the moment.
One Sunday in church one of the pastors was talking about how fun it is to be a Christian- I'd have to disagree- it's not fun putting your faith in God who could have saved the life of your son (you can argue all day long wether or not God took Levi or if it was just a result of man having free will or Satan or a result of sin but no matter which of these you believe I still believe that God could have restored life in him after they couldn't detect a heartbeat). While faith isn't fun at times like these, you just have faith that God is in control regardless. I'm still angry at Him but I do trust Him. It makes me angry though when other Christians talk about how "fun" Christianity is- it's false advertisement!! I don't think Christianity should be a drag and I don't want to grow into some bitter old woman but there are times that Christians are persecuted & times you have to take a tough stand for what you believe in & times you have to just trust even when you don't want to.
Ok... enough of my soapbox & enough of my tears for one day...
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