I feel like I’ve got my feet in two worlds and I don’t always know how to handle it or balance it. I don’t always feel like I fit in with the mom group… I’m not a stay at home mom and yet I’m not working full time either. I don’t have the innocence that many of them have and can’t always relate to everything. Yet I feel like I don’t always feel like I fit in the loss community either. It’s not that I’ve forgotten or moved on now that I have a child but joy has come in the morning. I’ve recently met two women who lost their sons almost exactly three years after Levi died… it’s just so strange because at the same time I’m involved with forming a small group of moms through our church.
Two worlds and I’m in both… but not really. Where do I fit? What is my role? I feel like I’m not the right person in either case. I don’t know how apparent it is to other people- especially those that know me from the coffee shop- but I’m timid with new people. Inviting people to join in has been a big step out of my comfort zone and I’m making myself do it… but I’m still hesitant and feel apprehensive. I think I just fear rejection.
I feel like these grieving moms have been placed in my path for a reason too. With them I mainly fear talking too much and not listening enough… I also worry that I’m so far from the raw grief that perhaps they won’t feel as though I understand where they are now. It’s so surreal though, so many of the feelings and things they’ve said I could’ve used to describe myself at that time. I felt so alone in my grief at that time… I felt that I was the only one feeling that way… and yet now I can see clearly how similar grief can be. I hate thinking of it in stages because we’re people- not cases in a textbook- and yet I have gone though the stages- sometimes I’ll take one step forward and two steps back but still… it can be hard to see everything when your world has just crumbled.
Two worlds spinning in different directions…..
Two worlds and I’m in both… but not really. Where do I fit? What is my role? I feel like I’m not the right person in either case. I don’t know how apparent it is to other people- especially those that know me from the coffee shop- but I’m timid with new people. Inviting people to join in has been a big step out of my comfort zone and I’m making myself do it… but I’m still hesitant and feel apprehensive. I think I just fear rejection.
I feel like these grieving moms have been placed in my path for a reason too. With them I mainly fear talking too much and not listening enough… I also worry that I’m so far from the raw grief that perhaps they won’t feel as though I understand where they are now. It’s so surreal though, so many of the feelings and things they’ve said I could’ve used to describe myself at that time. I felt so alone in my grief at that time… I felt that I was the only one feeling that way… and yet now I can see clearly how similar grief can be. I hate thinking of it in stages because we’re people- not cases in a textbook- and yet I have gone though the stages- sometimes I’ll take one step forward and two steps back but still… it can be hard to see everything when your world has just crumbled.
Two worlds spinning in different directions…..
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