Life After Levi

I made it through one holiday without too many tears... we'll see how Christmas goes... I have a feeling it won't be so easy. I got up yesterday morning thinking about last year's Thanksgiving. It was the only time (besides labor itself) that I was in pain with the pregnancy. I think Levi was pushing against my syatic nerve and besides the meal and car ride to my parent's house I spent the whole day laying down. Ok that's a lie- I woke up and did some clean up at our house before leaving for my parents which might have caused the pains later. Who knows. Black Friday I forced myself to shop despite the pain and I went with both mothers to get all the necessities for the nursery. How I wish I could have that physical pain rather than this emotional heartbreak! This year we headed for my parent's house again. I tried to mainly zone out with the TV so I didn't have to do much thinking... I found that the history of the Macy's day parade is actually rat...

I've just finished reading The Hiding Place by Corrie ten Boom and I have to confess, I'm feeling a little convicted. I've felt so swallowed in my grief and my situations and I know that I've fallen short of the mark. Not that I will ever achieve perfection, I know better than to think that... but I'm disappointed in myself. If you've never read the book I highly recommend it. Her family hid Jews from the Nazis in their home in Holland and were later taken to concentration camps. What amazes me though is her heart (and her sister Betsie's as well) towards the guards and her faith in Christ. It's one of love and forgiveness. Her faith brought hope in the middle of the barracks when all circumstances around them would shout hopelessness. During the last ten months I've been so angry at God and the doctors and yet I long to have the love and faith of this woman. I've felt convicted as I've read because I know that my suffering does not even com...