I've just finished reading The Hiding Place by Corrie ten Boom and I have to confess, I'm feeling a little convicted. I've felt so swallowed in my grief and my situations and I know that I've fallen short of the mark. Not that I will ever achieve perfection, I know better than to think that... but I'm disappointed in myself. If you've never read the book I highly recommend it. Her family hid Jews from the Nazis in their home in Holland and were later taken to concentration camps. What amazes me though is her heart (and her sister Betsie's as well) towards the guards and her faith in Christ. It's one of love and forgiveness. Her faith brought hope in the middle of the barracks when all circumstances around them would shout hopelessness. During the last ten months I've been so angry at God and the doctors and yet I long to have the love and faith of this woman. I've felt convicted as I've read because I know that my suffering does not even compare to the suffering that some have endured and they still find the strength not just to go on but transform the lives of others in the process. I on the other hand have not even been able to hold a baby since Levi died let alone have the ability to embrace my enemies with the love of Christ. I feel ashamed at my lack of desire to spend time in God's word and yet here was someone that risked beatings in order to bring her Bible into the camp with her and read to the other prisoners from the Gospels. I know that we all fall short and I will never be a perfect person but I felt compelled to confess and share my sins and shortcomings with you today. I also found the timing of another blogger's post rather amazing, check it out here: http://jessicaklug.blogspot.com/2008/11/your-cross.html
Besides the group and classes, this week has brought more changes. If you know me in real life please share in our joy but don't spread the news just yet. For those of you who are grieving I'm sorry if this announcement causes more pain... I know how difficult it can be to feel as though everyone else's time has come but yours. Only one word popped up this time... Pregnant. I suspected that I'd see it, but worried that I wouldn't. I waited to find out... I didn't want to find out exciting news that would make it hard to focus on the tasks that were important this week. I didn't want to find out bad news that would make it hard to focus on the tasks that were important this week. So I waited... but now I know for sure. This part of the waiting is over... but now the real waiting begins. That one little word changes everything. It changed everything before too. Now it's different though. I'm not inoccent anymore... and yet I can't contain my ...
Comments
knowing God hasnt changed and understanding the things that happen are two very different parts of an equation. One that on this side of heaven I don't know that we will ever understand.
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jennifer