Life After Levi

On Sunday so many emotions kept pushing themselves to the surface. We were talking about reconciliation and the cities of refuge (towns that were set up specifically for people to go to if they killed someone and it was deemed purely accidental). I know that so much of the pain that I carry was not caused on purpose, but it's still so hard to let it go. I struggle so much with reconciliation and truly forgiving. I always think I've let something go and then I see or talk to that person again and I realize I'm back at square one. I know that it's something I need to do- both for me and the other person- and yet... I can't seem to let things go. I want to change... but I don't know how to change. I've prayed for the other people... I've prayed for myself... and I always think that I'm ok- but then when I see them I realize I'm not. I wonder about the cities of refuge. I know the people that left their families and belongings to seek safety made the...

It's been 1 1/2 years... 18 months...547 days...13128 hours...787680 minutes... 47260800 seconds. Time has kept ticking . The world didn't stop when Levi died... Here's a recap of the past year and a half... We found out Levi's heart was no longer beating at a routine appointment January 9, 2008. Levi was born still January 14, 2008. He was buried January 20th. He was due January 28th. Looking back the first few months were more spent in shock than anything. I did the bare minimum to get through each day. Then the anger came. Anger towards the doctor, anger towards God, anger towards my husband. I spent most of months 5-9 angry at someone. Somewhere in my angry stage I started feeling as though everyone else was forgetting Levi and I also just wanted to reach out to other families going through loss. This gave me both a mission but also brought great frustration in dealing with the hospital. I felt alienated and alone from the real world and found myself seeking underst...