I made it through one holiday without too many tears... we'll see how Christmas goes... I have a feeling it won't be so easy.
I got up yesterday morning thinking about last year's Thanksgiving. It was the only time (besides labor itself) that I was in pain with the pregnancy. I think Levi was pushing against my syatic nerve and besides the meal and car ride to my parent's house I spent the whole day laying down. Ok that's a lie- I woke up and did some clean up at our house before leaving for my parents which might have caused the pains later. Who knows. Black Friday I forced myself to shop despite the pain and I went with both mothers to get all the necessities for the nursery. How I wish I could have that physical pain rather than this emotional heartbreak!
This year we headed for my parent's house again. I tried to mainly zone out with the TV so I didn't have to do much thinking... I found that the history of the Macy's day parade is actually rather interesting. Shortly before we sat down though my dad asked if I'd say the blessing. I felt terrible but I told him no. I just knew that I couldn't say a prayer of thanksgiving. I know that's a problem and I do have so much to be thankful for but I just couldn't do it. I've been trying to thank God on a regular basis for the good things in my life but yesterday I knew that I'd just end up in tears and didn't even know where to begin.
There's my confession for the day though... and so, since I didn't share them yesterday, here are some of the big things I'm thankful for:
I got up yesterday morning thinking about last year's Thanksgiving. It was the only time (besides labor itself) that I was in pain with the pregnancy. I think Levi was pushing against my syatic nerve and besides the meal and car ride to my parent's house I spent the whole day laying down. Ok that's a lie- I woke up and did some clean up at our house before leaving for my parents which might have caused the pains later. Who knows. Black Friday I forced myself to shop despite the pain and I went with both mothers to get all the necessities for the nursery. How I wish I could have that physical pain rather than this emotional heartbreak!
This year we headed for my parent's house again. I tried to mainly zone out with the TV so I didn't have to do much thinking... I found that the history of the Macy's day parade is actually rather interesting. Shortly before we sat down though my dad asked if I'd say the blessing. I felt terrible but I told him no. I just knew that I couldn't say a prayer of thanksgiving. I know that's a problem and I do have so much to be thankful for but I just couldn't do it. I've been trying to thank God on a regular basis for the good things in my life but yesterday I knew that I'd just end up in tears and didn't even know where to begin.
There's my confession for the day though... and so, since I didn't share them yesterday, here are some of the big things I'm thankful for:
- Our parents (while they sometimes don't know exactly what to say, they've really shown how much they love and care about us with their actions)
- My husband- we've had our issues but I know how much he loves me and things are working out
- My friends- some of them have been so good about being listening ears and going out of their way to be there, even when they aren't sure exactly how
- Our employees- they may not always smile and bend over backwards for some of the customers but they have really shown us how much they care about us and really stepped in to help out when I'm having a rough day
- Our customers- some of our customers have really taken care of us this year with food, cards & support
- I'm thankful for the time I had with Levi- I just wish I had more time & had treasured the moments I had more
- As cheesy as it is I'm grateful for the roof over my head and the food in my belly, I know many people are not so fortunate
- I'm thankful for the support of others who have walked in the same shoes, though I wish no one had to experience this pain and thankful for all those that have read this and allowed me to express myself (and also very grateful for all those that have lifted us up in prayer)
- I'm thankful for the sacrifice that Christ made for me on the cross and the sacrifice God made letting Him die for us; I don't know that I would've had the faith of Abraham and taken Levi to the alter as a sacrifice
- I'm thankful for living in a country where I can express my faith without fear of persecusion
- I'm thankful for so many small & big things day to day
Comments
I am glad that you made it through the holiday and that it wasn't too hard on you.
((((Hugs))))