Today marks two months since we went to the doctor and found that there was no heartbeat. I was having a crappy weekend anyway and then it hit me what today's date is. Yesterday was really rough for reasons I won't mention and then came today.
I woke up and tried to quietly get things done around the house while I let Tommy sleep a little longer. After he woke up we sat down to a bowl of cereal and flipped on the tv and after channel surfing came across the morning news. Following a commercial break a segment came on about the history of day light saving time and we panicked- we didn't have an hour and a half to get ready for church- we had half an hour. And so the day began. We actually made it on time with my hair sopping wet (but then that's normal since I only use a blow dryer once or twice a year) and realized that there were quite a few people that didn't get the memo on the time change.
Everything was ok during the service until the children's message and I couldn't take my eyes off this goofy blond kid running up the isle to make it to the very front. He reminded me of all the stories I've heard of Tommy's childhood as he sat and squirmed waiting for the other children to get there so things could begin. As if that wasn't hard enough to watch the children's minister looked right at the little boy and asked Levi how he was doing. At that point I couldn't hold the tears back any more and fumbled through my purse for the stash of napkins I keep for just such an occasion. The rest of the children's service I just kept thinking that if our Levi turned out to be anything like his dad he would've been just like the Levi up there as he continued to pipe up and share his thoughts throughout the message.
The tears countined during the preacher's message as he talked about love and seemed to keep commenting about the special love between a mother and child that begins in the womb. At the end of the service one lady came up to me with tears in her eyes and said she just needed to hug me. I was very touched but then my own tears just started up again.
After letting it all out I pulled myself together and helped Tommy with some chores and we chatted with a friend that came to see us but then I found out that a friend of ours had their baby today and I lost it again. So here I am, two months have gone by and we've had some good days- but this was not one of them.
I woke up and tried to quietly get things done around the house while I let Tommy sleep a little longer. After he woke up we sat down to a bowl of cereal and flipped on the tv and after channel surfing came across the morning news. Following a commercial break a segment came on about the history of day light saving time and we panicked- we didn't have an hour and a half to get ready for church- we had half an hour. And so the day began. We actually made it on time with my hair sopping wet (but then that's normal since I only use a blow dryer once or twice a year) and realized that there were quite a few people that didn't get the memo on the time change.
Everything was ok during the service until the children's message and I couldn't take my eyes off this goofy blond kid running up the isle to make it to the very front. He reminded me of all the stories I've heard of Tommy's childhood as he sat and squirmed waiting for the other children to get there so things could begin. As if that wasn't hard enough to watch the children's minister looked right at the little boy and asked Levi how he was doing. At that point I couldn't hold the tears back any more and fumbled through my purse for the stash of napkins I keep for just such an occasion. The rest of the children's service I just kept thinking that if our Levi turned out to be anything like his dad he would've been just like the Levi up there as he continued to pipe up and share his thoughts throughout the message.
The tears countined during the preacher's message as he talked about love and seemed to keep commenting about the special love between a mother and child that begins in the womb. At the end of the service one lady came up to me with tears in her eyes and said she just needed to hug me. I was very touched but then my own tears just started up again.
After letting it all out I pulled myself together and helped Tommy with some chores and we chatted with a friend that came to see us but then I found out that a friend of ours had their baby today and I lost it again. So here I am, two months have gone by and we've had some good days- but this was not one of them.
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