I’ve got so many emotions now I don’t know how to deal with them all. Tommy and I are going to be moving soon (still in Bainbridge... well just outside of Bainbridge anyway). We’d been looking at places with a realtor in December & early January and put a bid on a house before I ever went to the hospital.
Yesterday was our closing and afterwards we walked through the house & started thinking about how our own things would look in each of the rooms. It was hard as we talked about which room would be the study vs the guest bedroom/nursery. I know we’ll have a baby to lay in the crib one day but instead of preparing the room for Levi we’ll be planting a memorial garden for him. I’m excited about the house but can’t help but think about the plans we originally had for it. It’s all very bittersweet.
The other emotions running wild are from this morning. We had our normal Thursday morning Bible study and one of the women babysits a little baby girl no more than three months old. I couldn’t stop myself and went over and played with her feet and made faces at her but then when she started smiling I started crying. It was the first time I’d touched a baby, or really truly looked into the face of a baby, since Levi’s death. Despite my sadness it’s hard not to also feel joy when you see a baby.
I know ups and downs are normal and to be expected but it’s really physically exahusting when you’re feeling multiple emotions simultanously.
Yesterday was our closing and afterwards we walked through the house & started thinking about how our own things would look in each of the rooms. It was hard as we talked about which room would be the study vs the guest bedroom/nursery. I know we’ll have a baby to lay in the crib one day but instead of preparing the room for Levi we’ll be planting a memorial garden for him. I’m excited about the house but can’t help but think about the plans we originally had for it. It’s all very bittersweet.
The other emotions running wild are from this morning. We had our normal Thursday morning Bible study and one of the women babysits a little baby girl no more than three months old. I couldn’t stop myself and went over and played with her feet and made faces at her but then when she started smiling I started crying. It was the first time I’d touched a baby, or really truly looked into the face of a baby, since Levi’s death. Despite my sadness it’s hard not to also feel joy when you see a baby.
I know ups and downs are normal and to be expected but it’s really physically exahusting when you’re feeling multiple emotions simultanously.
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