Skip to main content

My Elephant

There's an elephant in the room. He's my elephant, though I didn't ask for him.
Some people are afraid of my elephant and me, but my elephant won't hurt them, nor is he contagious. They won't be given their own elephant just because they've reached out and touched mine.

There's an elephant in the room. Some people ask about my elephant from afar but try not to notice him when they come into my room.

Even when I leave my room my elephant comes with me. My elephant doesn't belong in a zoo or circus, he is my elephant to bear the burden of.

There's an elephant in the room. I let people pretend they don't notice my elephant, then I just care for my elephant alone later. I know they've never had their own elephant to care for and aren't used to the looks and smells of mine.

Some people have there own elephants and tell me how they've lived with theirs but have a hard time discussing mine. I think they might be scared that my elephant might make theirs act differently.

There's an elephant in the room. I've gotten used to squeezing past my elephant and meeting people at the door. Sometimes they can't come into my room unless they're able to touch my elephant my elephant as they move around it and many people just choose to not come in.

There's an elephant in the room. My elephant.

Comments

Debbie said…
I cacme across your blog on the Miscarriage, Stillbirth & Loss Blog Directory and I've been reading through some of your archives (obviously, huh?).

This blog really sums it up, doesn't it? Stillbirth is the elephant no one wants to talk about.

I'm sorry it happened to you. When I hear that it's happened to someone else, I feel my heart break a little more.

Thinking of you.
Anonymous said…
Exactly. Well put my friend, well put. I often feel like "thyphoid mary."
Abuk said…
I am so sorry for your loss. My husband and I lost our firstborn in April of '06. We still miss her. I spent some time reflecting on grief and faith here: http://jonamie.wordpress.com/our-journey/.
Thank you for sharing your heart.

Amie

Popular posts from this blog

Thankfulness

It's been 6 years since hearing the silence we expected to be a heartbeat. As I think back today, I am filled with thankfulness. I'm thankful for... ... a God who has brought comfort when I mourned. ... His peace that surpasses all understanding. ... the joy that comes in the mourning. ... a faith that weathered the storms. ... a husband that provided and held it together when I couldn't. ... a husband who finds joy in being a daddy to our two blessings. ... our family and friends that mourned with us. ... our family and friends who now rejoice with us. ... the restoration of relationships. ... the two blessings that now call me mama. ... the ability to realize the important things in life aren't things. ... the joy a simple snuggle brings knowing that we aren't guaranteed anything in this life. ... being able to share Levi's story with others. ... healing. I am so grateful that God prepared us in so many ways before Levi's death and he's brought ...

Two worlds

I feel like I’ve got my feet in two worlds and I don’t always know how to handle it or balance it. I don’t always feel like I fit in with the mom group… I’m not a stay at home mom and yet I’m not working full time either. I don’t have the innocence that many of them have and can’t always relate to everything. Yet I feel like I don’t always feel like I fit in the loss community either. It’s not that I’ve forgotten or moved on now that I have a child but joy has come in the morning. I’ve recently met two women who lost their sons almost exactly three years after Levi died… it’s just so strange because at the same time I’m involved with forming a small group of moms through our church. Two worlds and I’m in both… but not really. Where do I fit? What is my role? I feel like I’m not the right person in either case. I don’t know how apparent it is to other people- especially those that know me from the coffee shop- but I’m timid with new people. Inviting people to join in has been a big step...

inevitable

I knew this day was inevitable... but still... to come just before Christmas was heart wrenching. In case I haven't mentioned it, Tommy is working at a funeral home now... the same funeral home we used for Levi. There have been times that dropping in to take him lunch is very much a reminder of Levi's death. Just last week for example I needed a place to nurse Madalyn and one of the funeral directors offered the blue room (called that because of the wall color but fitting for other obvious reasons too). Thank you but no- that would be the room we viewed Levi in- I'm not interested in staring at the last place I saw his face while Madalyn eats. There have been difficult funerals too; most of the people have died after long fulfilling lives but a few young people died unexpectedly. Yesterday though they got the first baby since Tommy started working there. Tommy had taken Madalyn out while I worked on his Christmas present and stopped by work to see about an unfinished p...

Levi Aaron

Levi Aaron