Two months ago from the 9th I found out there was no heartbeat. Two months ago today I got to meet Levi in person following my c-section.
How do you tell people that you’re a childless mother? How do you say my child is dead?
I’ve struggled with this because we have people that come in and knew I was pregnant but don’t know I lost Levi and I feel like I always get that deer in the headlights look and mumble out a response.
I told one woman that Levi was stillborn and then she was extremely appoligetic for asking but I feel that there is no need to appoligize for that. She was simply being polite in remembering that we were expecting.
I don’t want to deny having had Levi- he’ll always be my firstborn son- but I don’t want to freak people out either.
I’ve joined some groups online and they refer to stillborns as angel babies which doesn’t quite mesh with my religious beliefs- there are angels and there are humans and humans don’t become angels and angels don’t become human.
They also talk about there babies being born asleep. If Levi was asleep he would’ve woken up by now.
Do I just say yes I had him and leave out the fact that he’s dead and hope they don’t ask anymore questions? It’s wierd because I don’t have a problem with people knowing but it’s hard to look at someone who doesn’t know and tell them- partially because I don’t know how they’ll react and partially because I don’t know how I will. I’ve done quite well holding it together though- I’ve only cried in front of customers once when they started talking about their grandchild that was born this weekend. I never explained my tears and they never asked.
Does anyone have any suggestions on what to say? I’ve tried to mentally prepare myself for the question but each time I freeze and then wonder if I should’ve said something different.
How do you tell people that you’re a childless mother? How do you say my child is dead?
I’ve struggled with this because we have people that come in and knew I was pregnant but don’t know I lost Levi and I feel like I always get that deer in the headlights look and mumble out a response.
I told one woman that Levi was stillborn and then she was extremely appoligetic for asking but I feel that there is no need to appoligize for that. She was simply being polite in remembering that we were expecting.
I don’t want to deny having had Levi- he’ll always be my firstborn son- but I don’t want to freak people out either.
I’ve joined some groups online and they refer to stillborns as angel babies which doesn’t quite mesh with my religious beliefs- there are angels and there are humans and humans don’t become angels and angels don’t become human.
They also talk about there babies being born asleep. If Levi was asleep he would’ve woken up by now.
Do I just say yes I had him and leave out the fact that he’s dead and hope they don’t ask anymore questions? It’s wierd because I don’t have a problem with people knowing but it’s hard to look at someone who doesn’t know and tell them- partially because I don’t know how they’ll react and partially because I don’t know how I will. I’ve done quite well holding it together though- I’ve only cried in front of customers once when they started talking about their grandchild that was born this weekend. I never explained my tears and they never asked.
Does anyone have any suggestions on what to say? I’ve tried to mentally prepare myself for the question but each time I freeze and then wonder if I should’ve said something different.
Comments
I have two children. One is with me and one is in heaven.
I never know what to say when people ask me-- to mention that she was stillborn is ackward and can be uncomfortable, to not mention her makes me feel as though I'm not acknowledging her existance.
I usually do tell people this-- I have two children, Rylie is 5 and Sophie is in heaven. If they ask, I say she was stillborn on her due date; or sometimes I add that extra information depending on how much I feel like sharing.