Last night I talked to one of my pregnant friends. We'd been playing phone tag for a while and we last talked over a month ago. I listened to her message as she appoligetically told me she was sorry it'd been a while since she'd returned my call but it'd been a rough couple of weeks. I hoped she was referring to the long bout of morning sickness she'd experienced but dreaded hearing that perhaps she'd lost the baby. I struggle so much trying not to be resentful & envious of pregnant friends but I can't bear hearing that not everything is going smoothly. I don't want anyone to know the pain I've known. I quickly called her back and she first told me of the everyday trials that had come her way lately, a dead battery which complicated things at work, mounting bills, etc and then she told me of her most recent ultrasound... she found out she's having a girl... but might also have ovarian cancer. As much as I know what words of comfort I want to hear about Levi, I had no words to say to her. Right now the doctors don't know that she has cancer- just that it's a possibility- but a real one as both her mother and grandmother have had cancer. They wouldn't have realized there was a problem if she hadn't been pregnant- there would have been no need for an ultrasound. There's a possibility that she may have to have surgery to have the overy removed which puts her baby at risk and if she leaves it and has complications during delivery it could put her and the baby in danger. At the moment the best case senerio is that it doesn't grow bigger and they remove it during a planned c-section. Please pray for her, her baby and the rest of her family during this time.
Besides the group and classes, this week has brought more changes. If you know me in real life please share in our joy but don't spread the news just yet. For those of you who are grieving I'm sorry if this announcement causes more pain... I know how difficult it can be to feel as though everyone else's time has come but yours. Only one word popped up this time... Pregnant. I suspected that I'd see it, but worried that I wouldn't. I waited to find out... I didn't want to find out exciting news that would make it hard to focus on the tasks that were important this week. I didn't want to find out bad news that would make it hard to focus on the tasks that were important this week. So I waited... but now I know for sure. This part of the waiting is over... but now the real waiting begins. That one little word changes everything. It changed everything before too. Now it's different though. I'm not inoccent anymore... and yet I can't contain my ...
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