Obsession

I spent some time working in the garden yesterday. Have I mentioned before that I love being out there? It's like an obsession... I keep finding projects to do and plants I want to fill in in certain spots. We have a few things that are flowering right now but not many.

We have a few large items that I think are really cool but when I step back and look at it from an outsiders perspective the garden takes a different look. Others don't see the growth from the plants, they might see the weeds that are there but not realize that twice as many have been pulled, they don't see the blooms that were there yesterday but have dropped today. (the photos include some recent blooms but many are from last season that haven't opened yet)

How often are our lives like this too? People may think we're having a bad day but don't realize that compared to the days gone by we're doing okay or celebrate the good days we've had. They don't see the internal struggles to just be here, they only see that we're not accomplishing mundane tasks that used to be so simple. They don't know all the times I want to speak about my son but don't, or all the comments I want to make but hold my tongue.

Yesterday as I was out in the garden I was reflecting on something someone said to me recently. I was talking about the difficulties with friendships since we've lost Levi and they reminded me that many people are doing all they're capable of doing in the best way they know how. That's fair I guess... I don't know how I would be responding to a friend over a year later if I were on the other side... hopefully they remember the same thing about me though. I'm doing all that I'm capable of doing in the best way I know how. At least I have the garden to obsess over....