I know this verse, but knowing and following are two different things. I was very anxious in the week leading up to Mother's day. I couldn't even say the word's Mother's Day without getting a tremble in my voice. It was the same way leading up to January... except the anxiety started much sooner then. I don't know why I didn't learn from January, but I didn't. I was dreading Sunday. I did bring my requests for prayers for peace & comfort to those around me. Their prayers were answered & many sent me words of comfort. Once again I had a peace that I don't understand.
It may seem strange but knowing God is taking care of these small details like having peace on Mother's day helps me trust that He's taking care of the big things too- in His ways- not my own.
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD.
"As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9
I got up in the morning and went out to the garden which is fairly typical for most Sunday mornings. He guarded my heart & my mind from the pain I was worried would come. I felt His peace as I tended the plants and selected some to take to the cemetery. I've mentioned before that I'd rather spend time thinking of Levi in the garden rather than the cemetery but I also like being able to take from one to lay at the other. We came back and gardened some more before it started getting too hot & by then we were ready to come inside & begin the movie marathon.
Watching a children's movie on a day reminding me that my child is gone may seem like a strange choice for some but I'd wanted to see Horton Hears a Who (who doesn't love Dr. Seuss?) and I'm glad I picked it out. The reminder that "A person's a person no matter how small" brought a smile to my face. Our babies count- no matter how small they were. I thought of the elephant in my garden that always reminds me that Levi won't be forgotten.
As I watched the movies I let myself laugh. I'd rented comedies and just spent the afternoon enjoying some time to unwind from the stress of the week. Laughter may not be the best medicine but it sure does help at times. I didn't feel any guilt laughing either as I have in the past.
He will yet fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy. Job 8:21
The day was so much better than I'd anticipated and I'm very grateful for that. I missed Levi, and always will, but I still want to enjoy my own life & make his life count. I felt joy in being blessed to be his mother. I hope each of you felt peace & comfort this mother's day. You were & will remain in my prayers.
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