Losing the battle

I give up. Not totally but I'm not caring quite so much anymore. The bunnies are multiplying and they seem to laugh at my attempts to keep them away from their salad bar.



Above is a picture of one of the bunnies in the front yard. Notice that it's surrounded by grass... plenty of food that I'd be happy for it to eat but I guess given the choice I'd prefer the flowers too.

Below is a picture at the cemetery. My mom thought it'd be funny to have a bunny out there too- I must admit I got a kick out of it.



Seeing the stone bunny and getting a chuckle out of it reminds me once again that while it might be a little annoying to plant the flowers to have them nibbled it's really not worth stressing & losing sleep over it.


I've been reflecting back over the last six years of marriage too recently (our anniversary is tomorrow). Each year has brought different challenges- some brought on by ourselves; some out of our control. At times I feel like I'm defeated- I'm so focused on the battles but not always on the bigger picture. Losing Levi has definitely helped to change this focus but even now I find myself so focused on the small and insignificant things that feel so big in the moment. I don't know how to remind myself that (aside from Levi's death) each moment will pass and it isn't worth worrying over.

Our church required premarital counseling before we got married so they'd discussed with us the common challenges that couples face... no one prepares you for this though and after burying your son the direction of the toilet paper really doesn't matter. (As a sidebar six years later I still don't ever fix pancakes at our house after Tommy once told me early in our marriage that I didn't make them like his mother did. He realized he did something wrong when I got quiet and quickly put the spatula down but I think his mother was the one that really wanted to strangle him because she didn't want anything driving a wedge between us. It isn't something I ever really focus on now but it serves as a good reminder to him every time we want pancakes that he chose to marry me- not his mother :))

I'm glad now that the first four and a half years were the way they were- imperfect and full of challenges but we found ways to face those challenges together which in many ways better prepared us for this time. We've also had fun along the way and more often than not find ourselves laughing over one thing or another and there have even been times we've managed to laugh through our tears. Our differences have complimented each other- he tends to be laid back about most things while I tend to be a little bit of a control freak but on the major things we've been amazed at how in sync we tend to be. Our grief has been different but we've learned to understand each other's differences. In the big picture I know he loves me and I know he misses Levi too. I know we'll face more challenges in life and whether they're small in the big scheme of things or life changing I'm glad we'll face them together.