I'm going to miss my Tallahassee support group. I've been going there for a year now but our employees have left us one by one for greener pastures & while we're happy for them I'm going to miss having them here. Our employees have given me time to heal in so many ways, they've worked and remained focused when I wasn't able to direct myself, much less them. All of that is for another post but one thing I'll miss out on without them here to cover the shop will be my support group I've been going to. The timing of the group up here wasn't planned that way but I'm glad it's working out the way that it is.
On Monday we were talking about vocabulary and how it often doesn't fit grief. I found myself agreeing that there are words that just don't match what I'm feeling but they're the closest descriptions I know. (Which means I should probably work a little on my vocab, surely there are better, more descriptive terms?!?)
Twice this week I've found myself rethinking the conversation as I've read posts online. Sarah mentioned the absurdity in describing things as being easier here and she's right! To use the root in the word, albeit with the ending, it still doesn't fit- there is nothing easy about grief- there is nothing easy about the loss of a parent or the loss of a child.
Among other things, Kara's mom mentioned struggling with acceptance- which was the term we discussed at group. To me accepting something is welcoming it in... even if that isn't according to Webster it's what I tend to imply. For all clinical purposes I'm currently at a stage of acceptance, though I expect there's a good chance I'll cycle through the stages of grief multiple more times. Acceptance isn't what I feel though, I do not welcome life without my son here with me... but I deal with it. I know therapists would argue that acceptance is different from my implied perception of it but still...
I use the words easier, I use the words acceptance but they aren't truly what I mean, they're just the closest words to describe what I'm feeling that others understand. There are other terms too- the joy and happiness in meeting my son for the first time... yet the time wasn't joyful and it wasn't happiness in the most basic of meanings. I guess I could use the term bittersweet but that doesn't seem deep enough for the moment when I held my son for the first time.
How do you explain the feelings inside with such a limited choice of words?
Emotions are so complex and yet we box them in with a single word. What words do you use to describe the most complex of your emotions? Which words frustrate you to use, yet there are none better to choose from?
On Monday we were talking about vocabulary and how it often doesn't fit grief. I found myself agreeing that there are words that just don't match what I'm feeling but they're the closest descriptions I know. (Which means I should probably work a little on my vocab, surely there are better, more descriptive terms?!?)
Twice this week I've found myself rethinking the conversation as I've read posts online. Sarah mentioned the absurdity in describing things as being easier here and she's right! To use the root in the word, albeit with the ending, it still doesn't fit- there is nothing easy about grief- there is nothing easy about the loss of a parent or the loss of a child.
Among other things, Kara's mom mentioned struggling with acceptance- which was the term we discussed at group. To me accepting something is welcoming it in... even if that isn't according to Webster it's what I tend to imply. For all clinical purposes I'm currently at a stage of acceptance, though I expect there's a good chance I'll cycle through the stages of grief multiple more times. Acceptance isn't what I feel though, I do not welcome life without my son here with me... but I deal with it. I know therapists would argue that acceptance is different from my implied perception of it but still...
I use the words easier, I use the words acceptance but they aren't truly what I mean, they're just the closest words to describe what I'm feeling that others understand. There are other terms too- the joy and happiness in meeting my son for the first time... yet the time wasn't joyful and it wasn't happiness in the most basic of meanings. I guess I could use the term bittersweet but that doesn't seem deep enough for the moment when I held my son for the first time.
How do you explain the feelings inside with such a limited choice of words?
Emotions are so complex and yet we box them in with a single word. What words do you use to describe the most complex of your emotions? Which words frustrate you to use, yet there are none better to choose from?
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