I saw a status update on facebook that made me think. I don't know the whole story so please know that I'm only sharing my reaction. From what I can gather, the person posting the status was talking to someone yesterday and they later went and committed suicide... she wondered aloud if there had been anything she could have said or done differently that could've made a difference.
I don't know their conversation, I don't know what was said yesterday, I don't even know the name of the person that committed suicide. I only know what thoughts it brought to my own mind.
Reading that made me think back to the early days after Levi's death when I wouldn't have minded dying myself. Please don't misunderstand, I didn't want to commit suicide- but I wouldn't have been upset to have been in a fatal accident or something.
I thought about the people that didn't say or do the 'right' things. I'm not going to lie- there were people that said things that caused damage I'm still working on repairing. There were people that made the wrong type of difference. There were some people that said and did the right things for a moment- but there was no follow through leaving me feeling even more alone. I thought about the people that stuck by- they let me have the good days and the bad. They said all the right things. They did all the right things.
Neither the good or the bad made the ultimate difference. I had to want it. I had to work at it. I still have to. I know my faith played a huge part in my healing too. I had the hope of a better tomorrow even if I wasn't feeling it at that moment in time.
And yet... people can make that difference. I know I was strong enough before I lost Levi that I was able to hang on until some of the pain wasn't so raw... some people can't. They need someone and they need someone now.
I haven't always been good about being that person. It's not that I don't care- but sometimes I get so focused on the direction I'm going in that I don't see the people injured just off of my path. Sometimes I see them but don't know what to do so I keep going... hoping and praying someone else will stop- I tell myself that I'm not a doctor, I can't tend to their pain. Sometimes I'm the cause of their injury.
Levi's death has given me new eyes and a greater compassion- but still I often get caught up in my own pain and struggles. If it had been me, would I have made that difference? Would I have taken the time from the hustle and bustle of life to see the pain they felt? Would I have listened enough or said the right words? Would it have mattered or would all the pain from the past overshadow the words of right now?
I really like the lyrics of the song below. I hope and pray that I not only have the eyes to see- but also the heart to act.
I don't know their conversation, I don't know what was said yesterday, I don't even know the name of the person that committed suicide. I only know what thoughts it brought to my own mind.
Reading that made me think back to the early days after Levi's death when I wouldn't have minded dying myself. Please don't misunderstand, I didn't want to commit suicide- but I wouldn't have been upset to have been in a fatal accident or something.
I thought about the people that didn't say or do the 'right' things. I'm not going to lie- there were people that said things that caused damage I'm still working on repairing. There were people that made the wrong type of difference. There were some people that said and did the right things for a moment- but there was no follow through leaving me feeling even more alone. I thought about the people that stuck by- they let me have the good days and the bad. They said all the right things. They did all the right things.
Neither the good or the bad made the ultimate difference. I had to want it. I had to work at it. I still have to. I know my faith played a huge part in my healing too. I had the hope of a better tomorrow even if I wasn't feeling it at that moment in time.
And yet... people can make that difference. I know I was strong enough before I lost Levi that I was able to hang on until some of the pain wasn't so raw... some people can't. They need someone and they need someone now.
I haven't always been good about being that person. It's not that I don't care- but sometimes I get so focused on the direction I'm going in that I don't see the people injured just off of my path. Sometimes I see them but don't know what to do so I keep going... hoping and praying someone else will stop- I tell myself that I'm not a doctor, I can't tend to their pain. Sometimes I'm the cause of their injury.
Levi's death has given me new eyes and a greater compassion- but still I often get caught up in my own pain and struggles. If it had been me, would I have made that difference? Would I have taken the time from the hustle and bustle of life to see the pain they felt? Would I have listened enough or said the right words? Would it have mattered or would all the pain from the past overshadow the words of right now?
I really like the lyrics of the song below. I hope and pray that I not only have the eyes to see- but also the heart to act.
Give Me Your Eyes
Brandon Heath
Look down from a broken sky
Traced out by the city lights
My world from a mile high
Best seat in the house tonight
Touch down on the cold black top
Hold on for the sudden stop
Breath in the familiar shock
Of confusion and chaos
All those people going somewhere
Why have I never cared
Give me Your eyes for just one second
Give me Your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me Your love for humanity
Give me Your arms for the broken hearted
The ones that are far beyond my reach
Give me Your heart for the ones forgotten
Give me Your eyes so I can see
Step out on a busy street
See a girl and our eyes meet
Does her best to smile at me
To hide what’s underneath
There's a man just to her right
Black suit and a bright red tie
Too ashamed to tell his wife
He's out of work, He's buying time
All those people going somewhere
Why have I never cared
Give me Your eyes for just one second
Give me Your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me Your love for humanity
Give me Your arms for the broken hearted
The ones that are far beyond my reach
Give me Your heart for the ones forgotten
Give me Your eyes so I can see
I’ve been here a million times
A couple of million eyes
Just move and pass me by
I swear I never thought that I was wrong
I need a second glance
Give me a second chance
To see the way You’ve seen the people all along
Give me Your eyes for just one second
Give me Your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me Your love for humanity
Give me Your arms for the broken hearted
The ones that are far beyond my reach
Give me Your heart for the ones forgotten
Give me Your eyes so I can see
Comments
Three posts in one weekend! How nice! :)