I know the circumstances are different but sometimes I wonder if sometimes I have a problem looking back.
I haven't turned into a pillar of salt- but have become a puddle of salty tears. I don't always try to look back... but each time I get turned around I can tell the difference. There are times people pull me back and times something triggers me to look back but the results are often the same.
I wonder why Lot's wife looked back. Was she thinking back about the life she once knew? Was she thinking of the friends she once had? Did she hear something that just distracted her from her forward path? Was it just a glace or was it a longing for what once was?
In healing I have looked back and beat myself up over the what if's and felt anger at doctors and others... but it hasn't brought Levi back. It only brings salt to my eyes.
I have looked back at the life I once had... and the plans I had made. But I will never be that person again- no matter how much I may glance at my old self.
I am grateful for the lessons Levi has taught me- I do want to clarify- I do view it differently remembering Levi's life and impact versus looking back at the details of his death. What I am hoping is that now that I have shared Levi's story I can look forward to the things I can change and only the memories that bring smiles- not bitterness.
Genesis 19 26 But Lot's wife looked back, and she became a pillar of salt.
I haven't turned into a pillar of salt- but have become a puddle of salty tears. I don't always try to look back... but each time I get turned around I can tell the difference. There are times people pull me back and times something triggers me to look back but the results are often the same.
I wonder why Lot's wife looked back. Was she thinking back about the life she once knew? Was she thinking of the friends she once had? Did she hear something that just distracted her from her forward path? Was it just a glace or was it a longing for what once was?
In healing I have looked back and beat myself up over the what if's and felt anger at doctors and others... but it hasn't brought Levi back. It only brings salt to my eyes.
I have looked back at the life I once had... and the plans I had made. But I will never be that person again- no matter how much I may glance at my old self.
I am grateful for the lessons Levi has taught me- I do want to clarify- I do view it differently remembering Levi's life and impact versus looking back at the details of his death. What I am hoping is that now that I have shared Levi's story I can look forward to the things I can change and only the memories that bring smiles- not bitterness.
Comments
Someone wise once said to me that life and time is like driving a car. The road ahead is the future, the driver is in the present, and everything behind the car is the past. From time to time, he/she must look in the rearview mirror (the past) in order to check to see the road that's led them there and to make sure nothing is sneaking up on them. Focus too long on the past, and you'll go off the road, but an occasional glance IS healthy, and recommended.
Thanks for this post. It comes at an appropriate time for me as well. I'm trying really hard to focus my attention on today and not let the past creep in.
Thanks for all of your sweet encouragement! Praying for you and your pregnancy.