One of the typical questions I now get asked is whether or not Madalyn is my first. I generally answer the same way each time. I reply 'sorta or not exactly' and go on to say that I had a son who was stillborn. I wonder if people think I'm strange because while I'm sure they probably expect a shaky voice and tears after they know the answer it isn't the look they see on my face. Instead there's generally a smile when I reply. Not a big goofy grin by any means... But I can feel the corners of my mouth turned up. It isn't that I'm happy that he died- but I'm happy to have the opportunity to share that he was here.
Besides the group and classes, this week has brought more changes. If you know me in real life please share in our joy but don't spread the news just yet. For those of you who are grieving I'm sorry if this announcement causes more pain... I know how difficult it can be to feel as though everyone else's time has come but yours. Only one word popped up this time... Pregnant. I suspected that I'd see it, but worried that I wouldn't. I waited to find out... I didn't want to find out exciting news that would make it hard to focus on the tasks that were important this week. I didn't want to find out bad news that would make it hard to focus on the tasks that were important this week. So I waited... but now I know for sure. This part of the waiting is over... but now the real waiting begins. That one little word changes everything. It changed everything before too. Now it's different though. I'm not inoccent anymore... and yet I can't contain my ...
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