Restlessness

Tommy was so sweet on Tuesday (and the rest of the days too). He brought me roses to let me know he was thinking of Levi too and to brighten my day. Some of the conversations surrounding the roses have been interesting. Some have brought deeper connections; I've found out about a few losses that I didn't know of before. Only one poured salt in my wounds; after she inquired the reason for the flowers and I told her it marked 1 1/2 years after Levi's death she informed me that it is now time to have another. I think I made her uncomfortable when I politely told her we're working on it. The majority of the people just admire the roses and don't ask what they're for unless to jokingly ask if Tommy got in trouble for something. Unless they specifically ask, I haven't bothered explaining the occasion behind the gift and just let them be admired by all- a ray of sunshine from Levi.

I've been feeling really good about the place I'm in and can see how far I've come and I'd have to say that most of the day went really well... but... there was one point in the day though that I was fighting to hold back the tears. This Levi came in the store with his mom and sister to get drinks... and of course his sister kept calling out his name... with each cry of Levi I bit my tongue to fight the tears. Afterwards I had to sit and just unwind for a little while but besides that I really can't complain.


I'm feeling restless... I think in part because business has been slow which leaves me with time on my hands. I've been trying to use the time wisely though. Did you know that in our county of 30,000 people there are 100 churches? I've called them all... well all that I could. Some have disconnected phones, and others didn't have a number listed at all. If you've never driven through the rural south you can drive down a country road and easily pass 5-6 tiny little churches. Why do I know this? I'm trying to get the word out about the support group we're starting in town and I figured besides the doctors and hospitals the best way to get the word out would be through the churches. Even if the grieving parents don't go to church I'm hoping that in an area this small co-workers or family members will pass the word along.

I'm nervous about the group. A local hospice will be facilitating the group- I wasn't sure if I was ready for that. I'm nervous that no one will show up, I'm nervous that too many people will show up to really be conducive to really getting to know each other. I'm nervous that I'll miss getting the word to someone who really needs support right now. (I'm also doing a radio plug closer to when we start and my next step is notifying the newspaper for a community spotlight- any other ideas to spread the word?). I know once it gets started I'll be able to relax a little but for now... I'm nervous. We won't be starting until August 17th but I want to make sure I've done all I can do. Please pray that everything will go well & the families that need it will hear about it.